The darkness inside of her

So small , one cannot see it with their bare eyes

It takes time to realize what she really is

It spreads so viciously to every inch of her

She too cannot realize what is taking over her

No amount of saving can spare her from the doom that awaits her

The pain becomes so strong all she does is let it out

Trying so hard, shedding tears to get it out of her yet a part of her wants more of it

That control makes her sparkle but the stench that comes from within icks

Many admire her without the understanding of what she is

Many want to be like her

To have the control

To be among those called

They do not understand that the darkness that spreads so quietly from within

Influenced by so much from the outside

Pushed to the limit

Means death

The mind will ache

The heart will want more …..

A part of me wants to be dragged down in the below

Wanting and craving so hard to be unnoticed

It pulls me in

Calling and beckoning

Louder and louder

Whispering into my ears, enticing me to get in

Getting my thoughts on check

Pulling myself together

Getting my inner sense on track

Telling myself am in control, i need to grab things by the horn

No fear

Yet,

That which pulls me in ,

Gets to me

Confuses me

Begs me

My heart running faster than my thoughts

What next? ….

Slots taken, coats off

Sits taken, a face off

All human , an identity chosen for all

As i watch , setting my eyes forth on the details that will show me theres love

But how could there be love if selflessness is not adorned and dressed with pride

The deep grief i feel every time I know that identifying ourselves in brother hood is shunned since the hate encrypted deep down is a code larger

The disgust one feels from within since satisfaction for how we are , how we look, what we are, has surpassed all

You do not understand you yet you want to understand me and put me in a box so small that suffocation will be my death

Pushing me to the edge for fear of accepting my flaws but savagery since you do not adorn yourself with that humanity

That show of love, an identity that cannot be erased for it has been accepted

A code flowing through my veins ……

Am not sure what I really feel

Confused about what my heart keeps whispering into my mind

Deep down there is a void so big it cant be filled by mere words and consolation

It kills my inner senses thinking of what i have become

The feeling of regret and worthlessness

Sometimes i tend to escape

Into a world that belongs only to me

To a place full of peace

Yet the chaos that awaits shifts me right back to reality

All that’s left is

Pain

Anger

Despair

Tears

Tears that with each drop symbolizes what i have become

A need to run

To hide from the creature that has been formed from within

But really how can i?

I cannot change what I caused upon myself

The void

The dead end

The regret

Is all that my soul is left of….

One cannot change that this world reflects their true self…..