A trip down memory lane
Fading into days when everything was black and white
Days when the word love was simple When a flower would bring a smile on your face When sitting in the park was peaceful and cheerful
When black and white images spike admirable last
The moments created did not need cupids support or attention
Times when the clock would watch and slow down to create a lasting memory
Now those days were genuine
They were So sincere
They had no heartache
Days when looking into each others eyes would show the genuine love
A genuine smile creeping from the corner of once face The dimples oozed of a cuteness overload
Days when holding the tip of each others hands would bring a shiver Then shyness would spurr from within with such colourful sparks
The madness that could take over and make one go nuts and crack
The clumsiness that would then follow and would be dimmed worthy. The fondness that would be formed brought comfort to each soul
Days when we would talk endlessly with no akward silence
Days when saying i love you was a rare occasion but was from deep down and not just a daily needed dose
Days when friendship was created before attraction
Those were the days when love was worthy and black and white yet full of colour

Cascading tears down my skin
So hot with anger they pour out
Vision fades as my eyes get clouded by thoughts, which now openly reflect on my face
So unfair
Judging what you feel right for yourself
The smaller picture
Suiting your point of view
What about the bigger picture
What about me
Fist clenched
Tight face
Lips flinched
Tongue ranting from within
Teeth grinding in response
Heart beating so fast
All the brain can do is watch but deep down it hurts too and wants to come to everyone’s defense
But logic precedes
The pain skin deep
My hands do the honours of protecting us from the shame
Wipes off the tears
My brain then shuts off my eyes from the sheer sight of disgrace
My ears block out every emotion heard and sensed in my body
So peaceful now
Calm, quiet
I just just dont know how to feel anymore I can not hold on anymore

Sitting on my favourite couch
Eyes closed
Hands calm
But my ears fully awake
Then i heard your voice, a sweet melody to my soul
Soothed me like a mother’s lullaby
I fell so deep with just hearing you speak
Your laughter so infectious
I can hear your heart speak, it beat with every word that came out
Is it possible just to fall inlove with someone just by hearing them speak?
I called it love at first listen
Something about how you put your words together is gracious
Am filled with awe
It constantly creeped a smile on my face
Yes the fear of whether or not your voice matched up your face always popped up
But I always got distracted for your voice spoke volumes with its tone and pitch
It overpowered everything else
It was beauty as my ears beheld
This time my eyes were crippled
My ears had the power
They took control
Taking in everything you said, so sweet it sapped into my soul
My love at first listen

You’ve got me under a spell
Makes my skin so pale
My facial expressions such a big sell out

You’ve got me tongue tied
The feelings inside that had died, now awake
Taking my emotions for a ride

You’ve got me freezed up
My body now paralyzed
Created such chaos
But theres a certain type of peace amidst all that
Like lightning and thunder
You struck a nerve

You’ve got me so clueless
Feeling so blue and shameless, falling so deep for this
Sincerely careless on my part not to have made a move

The way you look at me, sparks my brain
When theres a touch, i go into a frenzy of excitement

You’ve got me under a spell
You’ve got me tongue tied
You’ve got me frozen
You’ve got me

Heavy breathing
Sweat dripping
Body shivering
Goosebumps forming
Every inch of her aching
Scared, fragile, the fear showed in her eyes, sending chills to her reflection
She does not understand at what point she lost herself
At what point she fell so deep
At what point she let her past and her fears take control
Every moment reliving a constant trauma when she closes her eyes
Her own body treating her with so much injustice
Rejecting her, Tiring her out
The fear now flowing in her blood stream like a virus infecting every inch, weakening her
The nightmares creep in and like a parasite do not detach
Confined in her small space, A box she created for herself
To tight
Nothing about all this feels right
No light just a cloud of thick darkness
Wanting an escape, a flight away from her worst enemy, Her!
She is a prisoner, a slave to her own thoughts
Needing to get out , to run and satisfy her growing hunger
But her heart is constantly ablaze, such fury, Her!
She tries to stretch out her hand, looking for a small touch to create a colourful spark
But she knows too well
She cuffed herself with her worst nightmare, Her!
She is her own prisoner to a life sentence
Created by her worst enemy
Her!

Like the pen that curves out my deepest emotions
I want to curve you out to such extremes that you fit perfectly in that paragraph
I write needing to create a you i can be satisfied with but the pen i hold rejects me as it blurts out the ink with disgust
For I watched and wrote but my eye saw the naked you
My pen felt the naked you
I wanted to rip off and strip off all those blank spaces and fill you up with ones that will tattoo you in my direction
But again my pen blurts out
It refuses to cooperate
So i leave you as a blank canvas
So pure
I will watch but wont write. Isoi🐾🦋

Looking into her eyes with bliss
Needing a certain type of satisfaction
Even if deep down most of it is just but a fiction
I wonder if there are any restrictions to my ever wondering thoughts
So high by the feel and sight of her
A part of me resonates to reality
Stopped at mid thought , drawn to hers
Hers that just is so perfectly imperfect i want to be drawn in even deeper
But all i can do is watch from a distance
Watch that fire that pulls everything to her
Watch with such admiration from a distance
A distance for some reason i cannot close in
A toast as i watch. Isoi🐾🦋

I tried
You stopped me
I gave in
You refused to cave in
You looked at me with such intensity
I even thought you liked me
But now i know it was definitely my imagination
I came through
You came out
I walked in
You walked out
I looked at you with such desire
You gave me eyes of pity
I require attention
But its exhausting
Theres no direction
Just zero satisfaction
I picked you out in the crowd
You kicked me out of your circle
I saw past your fears
Past your insecurities
Past your hate
Past your past
You saw only my fears
Only my insecurities
Only my hate
Only my past
I want you, you clearly dont
Your so choosy, i am very specific
Its only you, Am not for you
I stare with constant care, but you will never dare
I now watch, tik tok, time flies
Your gone, i stayed
Call me stupid, But your a fool. Isoi🐾🦋

I walked with my guitar at hand towards my favourite spot, a cafè where i found solace
Where i found peace,
For i was a crazy nervous wreck
I listened to the soft rock playing in the background, cup of coffee in hand
Deep in thought thinking about my next performance
Would i be able to ace it?
I closed my eyes as I listened to the instrumentals that were now playing
My body reacted , my legs fidgeting to the beats
My head shook in agreement with the sound being produced
My soul danced to the rhythm that connected the whole performance
My heart beat in response to the drums!

The air was now full of the scent of coffee beans
It gave me a type of stamina that pushed me to connect even deeper wth the music….
It was loud
Like thunder in my head
It created chaos
Like lightning in the dark
It was soft, smooth
Drawing my thoughts in
It was strong, definitely brought no wrong, just more longing
It had no sorrow, just the beats to a better tomorrow
Brought out the side of me that was
Fearless
Careless
Tearless
Wreckless
Spotless
Nothing less.

The music made me feel lost, it drugged me up, it was my simple escape
The lyrics touched my soul
I then asked for the volume to be turned up so that i could fade out the noise of everyone else in the background
The strings of the guitar were plucked to perfection, such satisfaction, and my reaction was bliss
The bow to the violin synced so beautifully with the strings
The bass gave a deep recognition
Oh and how wonderful the trumpets were as they echoed through out the whole cafè
And the the piano keys brought the whole performance to an end…..
I was now completely quenched
You can call me mad but music is my home
The lyrics, the combination of the different instruments, my eacape
When I listen its my norm
My love
My new found adddiction
I walked out of that cafè pleased as i now perceived that i would definitely succeed in my next performance
Isoi🐾🦋

Always fumbling everytime i pick an object
Always shaking every minute am around people, a person or any human for that matter
Heavy sweating because i always get nervous
Speeechless most of the time, for i stammer to even say the word hello
Nothing about me is normal
Nothing about me fits anywhere
Nothing i do makes sense
Its just a different spice of the known
They always call me, the weirdo, the creep, the black sheep
I sincerely just struggle just to be around people whether i know you or not, no offence, it just gets to me
All i really need is to live in my own space
Live in my own make shift world, my wild imagination
To survive by myself in my own mind and thinking
I am very aware that i might be different, that may be a sad truth for you
But for me its so calming
Satisfying
Relaxing
Its peaceful
Blissful
Its my crazy truth
You dont know how much that weirdness brings ne such joy and delight
The kind no one would really get
The kind i only connect with
The kind, when it rains, i would sit by the window, sip my cocoa and listen to the rhythm and beats of the rain drops
The kind that i would pick reading a book over and over again than striking a conversation

The kind that i would drink my whiskey with the orchestra playing in the background
I love my kind
I enjoy every minute of it
Its mine
My calming escape
My normal!

Isoi🐾🦋